Creating space between trigger and response: Navigating emotions at work

'I was angry and lashed out', 'I was upset by the feedback and turned defensive', 'I got frustrated and snapped'.

These are all comments from clients I've worked with this week who wanted to work through managing their emotions as work.

These are all very real, very human experiences. And in all of them, there’s often a desire to fix the emotion, ignore it or sweep it under the rug - especially in a professional setting where we’re told to “keep it together.”

But emotions aren’t problems to be solved. They’re signals. They’re data. They’re part of what makes us human - and they have a role to play, even at work.

What can sometimes happen, though, is that we experience an emotion like anger, frustration, or shame, and we react to it in a way that doesn’t align with how we want to show up. We snap. We withdraw. We over-apologise. We become defensive. We ruminate. And afterward, we wonder, why did I do that?

So how do you create a bit of space between the trigger and the reaction - so you can respond rather than react?

Here are a few tips I’ve found helpful when working with clients on this:

1. Pause and name the emotion

A fMRI study by Lieberman et al. (2007) showed that "Putting feelings into words may activate a region of the brain that can help reduce the intensity of the emotion." - Dr. Matthew Lieberman.

Simply saying; 'I'm feeling frustrated.' "I'm upset', or 'I'm angry' creates a pause which interrupts a chain reaction and allows your brain to shift from emotion to reflection.

2. Become curious

Instead of judging yourself and telling yourself, I shouldn't feel this way, try asking: Why is this emotion here? What is it telling me about this situation? Emotions are signals and may be communicating something deeper than the initial trigger - whether it’s a value in conflict, a boundary crossed, or a need to be heard, respected, autonomy, or clarity.

3. Breathe

This might sound overly simple, but even a few deep breaths can engage your parasympathetic nervous system, and help bring your thinking brain back. It's a small tool that creates powerful space. You might try box breathing or extending your exhale over your inhale.

4. Practice the 'second response'

The first reaction might be an eye roll, an internal judgment, or a defensive story. Let it come -and then let it go. The power lies in your second response: the one you choose with intention, aligned with the leader or human you want to be.

5. Reflect and rehearse

After a situation passes, reflect on what happened. What did you feel? What did you need? And how might you want to respond next time? Even mentally rehearsing that new response helps wire your brain to choose it more easily next time.

Emotions aren’t the enemy. In fact, they’re often offering us the most valuable insight into what matters most.

The goal isn’t to suppress emotion - but use it wisely, building enough awareness and space that we can navigate it with choice, clarity, and compassion.

If this resonates, or you’ve been exploring similar themes lately, I’d love to hear - how do you create space between trigger and response?

If you'd like to know more about coaching together around this, or another subject, get in touch. or arrange a chemistry call here at a time that works for you.

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