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What do you need to be your best self?

Updated: Jun 26, 2020

On the face of it, I have all that I need. I have warmth and safety, food, my friends and family around me, a roof over my head and a job I love. All my basic needs are met. Beyond our basic needs, are needs that need to be satisfied in order for us to perform at our best. When those needs aren’t met, we can easily become frustrated, angry, tense, bitter, annoyed, scared or hurt. You’ll probably recognise feeling these things, but do you know why? Next time you notice one of these feelings, take a moment to think about what is it trying to tell you.

Do you know what your needs are? Do you need freedom, or to be acknowledged? Do you need to achieve, to feel loved, or to feel comfortable and secure? Do you need to control, to have order or to be right? It can take some working out to truly understand your own needs, and these will no doubt shift over time.

I carried out this exercise a few years ago and recently wanted to review my needs. They were very similar but have had a subtle change. My once need for ‘independence’ has become a need for ‘self-reliance’. My need for ‘being listened to’ has become ‘be heard’. This makes complete sense to me and I’m now so much more aware of the reasons for my frustrations, tension or for being upset. When I feel these things, rather than reacting in the moment, I can stop and think 'Which need isn't being met?', 'What can I work this to get what I need?'.

Try and reflect on these questions: When you have your needs met, how do you feel? What do you think? How do you behave?

When one need isn’t being met, what does that do to your thoughts and feelings? How does that affect your other needs? How well are your needs being met right now? What can you do to get your needs to a place where they vanish entirely?

Having your needs met enables you to operate from a place of contentment and balance, of pure freedom. And who doesn’t want to be free?


Gemma Brown is a certified coach who works with successful women, 1-2-1 and in groups, to identify their strengths and build confidence which enables them to have the self-belief to fearlessly bring their whole being into all areas of life. Gemma is based in Cambridgeshire and carries out face to face coaching in the area as well as 1-2-1 coaching via Skype and Zoom. For more about Gemma, visit her 'About' page or contact her directly.

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