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Why getting your needs met is not selfish

I get a lot of feedback on ‘light bulb moments’ when working with clients on their personal needs - it can often be the first time that they’ve considered their needs on this level or recognised how fundamental they are to all other aspects of life.

I remember having that light bulb moment myself - learning about my personal needs was the number one gamer changer in knowing myself when I began my personal development journey. When I began to fully recognise my needs and tend to them, I felt more confident about communicating them to others, and intentionally seeking out ways to get them met.

Going through this process, helps set boundaries that are unique to you. Having these in place and knowing them intimately will help you become (and stay) resilient. Those boundaries are essential for you to stay afloat when the going gets tough, when you’ve had a challenging day or one of your kids is having a meltdown.

Being empowered in this way, enables you to focus on your well-being and truly understand why your self-care is vitally important. Yes for you, but for those around you too.

When you have your needs met, your boundaries are respected, you feel strong, you show up in a better way for yourself but for others too!

The thought of attending to your own needs can be difficult to comprehend because you’ve never done it or it seems selfish, rude or arrogant. It’s likely you have some beliefs about what it means to put yourself first that are long-engrained.

But knowing your needs helps you build and maintain resilience, and understand new ways for you to thrive - in life and in your career.

None of this is selfish.

All of this is generous and caring and good for your whole world.


Gemma Brown is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coach Federation, working with individuals and groups to navigate successfully through transitions - be it career, relationships or life in general. Her belief is that when we confidently bring our whole selves to all areas of life, anything is possible. Transitions exist in both our personal and business life, and so often, the two fiercely overlap. Coaching with Gemma focuses on you as a whole, enabling you to identify your strengths, build confidence and to live a life with increased purpose and direction. Gemma works face to face with clients in the Cambridge area as well as via Zoom. For more about Gemma, visit her 'About' page or contact her directly.

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